The Small Hamlet

Shilliam Waked-spear's adventures in voyeurism ACT 1

Dretch spy logs from an aspiring author-pig

It is the first day of my assigned recon on this outlandish assembled group and I am already astounded, after D-Division <redacted> encountered this party they sent me to perform espionage on these people. On my first observation I have made out the collection to consist of an armored gardener, an obviously homosexual lizard, a demi-god, some kid, and two rogues. The scene seemed quite drab, if not decrepit as rubble was lain nearby along with a few grotesque humanoid folk, with not much happening besides the construction of sleds for reasons I did not look too far into. Then they heard one of the local gnolls from the forest, and proceeded to converge onto him, who greeted them with the traditional native gnoll greeting, otherwise known as a ‘squall of arrows’ if you will. These arrows had slain one of the injured almost immediately, and therefore strife was engaged between the squads, I believe the dialogue building up to this was like so…

GARDENER : Hey this gnoll is ugly

GNOLL : Give me your money

GARDENER : Nah

(Arrows fly from every direction, one hitting INJURED #1 in the face)

INJURED #1 : Yes

(INJURED #1 dies from an arrow in the face)

Carrying through the duration of this battle I had not paid much mind as I was polishing my tusks on the side, but from what I heard during this practice it would appear as though the group had been thoroughly done a handing of the ass, preferably on a precious metal plateau.. This battle did not interest me, or at least, not until… …IT happened What is IT exactly? Only the most awe-inspiring miracle I have ever seen in my short Dretch lifespan, a marvelous amalgamation of mystery circumstance chaotically teetering on the borderline between total magnanimity and malevolence. As the gardener laid on her deathbed, soon to be slain, two figures stood in the far distance. I disregarded this, except for when I took a double-take to witness the larger of the two lift the former and.. throw him. Screams pierced the clouds and the hearts of everybody as the sight held itself before them, a horned beast proceeded to do much more consecutive front flips than I could count, let alone process, I was frozen in fear, joy, arousal, every emotion imaginable as the thing stuck a perfect landing with it’s arms outstretched and poured a healing liquid onto the gardener, bringing her back to her vigor-filled latter state. The two joined the fray, and fended off the remainder of gnoll persecutors, the… thing, and the tiefling seemed to know a majority of the group, and proceeded to engage an intelligent and structurally complex conversation that I believe went like so..

GARDENER : Blah blah anxiety blah stress

THING : Indecipherable lisp noises

TIEFLING : I am a tiefling

DEMI-GOD : I am a god

SHORT ROGUE : (Something about a bow)

GARDENER : No your dumb

DEMI-GOD : you’re*

GARDENER : Angst

DEMI-GOD : summons a crab-skull

CRAB : (Abyssal for : I’m really feeling it!)

After a while they decided to set up camp, and for some reason trust the rogues and monsters with guard duty, it was dark so I was not exactly sure what occurred, especially considering I needed my weekly disgusting hog-nap and fell unconscious.

That morning the party was abuzz as the kid was found to not be there anymore, and immediately the gardener who may have been a pedophile with a suspiciously prominent affection for the child went into a detective streak, interrogating the ones on guard duty..

GARDENER : Where is my slave daddy child platonic young-friend?

THING : Cough

ROGUES : lol idk

TIEFLING : I am a tiefling

GARDENER : angst and distress

And then the demi-god licked a bunch of blood and they all went to a church and talked to a fairly apprehensive robed man and made a priest sad whom of which told them to kill a hydra, I couldn’t follow as close due to it being a hallway.

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